


Only Jacob

by jacopseed



Category: Far Cry 5
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-07-02 14:39:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15798603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jacopseed/pseuds/jacopseed
Summary: In which the Deputy has flashbacks.





	Only Jacob

_Only you.._

I can feel my legs getting tired. How long have I been running? I don’t know. I can feel his breath on my neck, his arms around me, hands gripping my hips as he throws me over his shoulder. I can feel myself getting strapped into... what was it. A chair? Yes. The chair. The infamous chair that “nobody ever comes back from.” I don’t know how many times I’ve heard that muttered under someone’s breath. I must look crazy. I’ve been running through the fields in the Henbane for hours, I think. Just.. running. I was hunting some elk, or something – I don’t remember what I was hunting, actually. Then, I heard it. All around me. Swallowing me whole and dragging me into the ground. That God-forsaken song.

_Can make this world seem right.._

I’m running and running and soon enough I trip over my own feet, falling into the bushes. I don’t know where I am. I can hear the cougars, growling and yipping as they search for me. Is this what death is like? Just yesterday I was in bed, nice and warm, being tended to by Sharky after I had been attacked by a bear. Why am I so clumsy? He’s probably wondering where I am right now. I said I’d be back in an hour. It’s been 3, I think. I drift in and out of consciousness, and all I can see is that face. That face. The beard, the unmistakable ginger hair. Those frozen blue eyes that just bore through you as if they’re trying to make you combust. I can feel his shoulder, shaped and strong, as he carries me down the hall and into a room.

_Only you.._

I can hear him sing my praises. I hear the amusement in his voice when he says “Good job,” as I grab another one of the Whitetails and twist their neck. I am a killing machine. The world is a diagonal, and I am the balancing point. I fail to kill the last remaining target, and I can hear him sigh and mutter under his breath. I don’t hear what he says, but then he grabs my shoulders and forces me to the beginning. “Try again.” I go through the trial as if it’s a routine. Train, kill, sacrifice. I kill the last target. Oh God, it’s Eli. It’s Eli. I killed Eli. I don’t deserve to live. How do I live with the guilt? I see it in Wheaty's eyes every single time I enter the Wolf's Den. He hates me. He never says it because Tammy's always around, but he hates me. I know it.

_Can make the darkness bright.._

I wake up in the same place I fell. My hair’s ratty and my clothes are ripped. I don’t hear the song anymore. I’m… in the exact place where I was hunting. I need to get out of here. I need to find someone. Jacob. I want Jacob. I feel myself keel over on the ground once again, clutching my chest and suddenly I’m crying. I’m crying for him. Why couldn’t I have just arrested him? Put him in cuffs and handed him over to Whitehorse? I was exhausted by the time my bullet went through his forehead. So tired of it all. I hadn’t slept in days. I killed him without a second thought. Did I do it for Eli? Maybe I did. I don’t know. I just want this all to stop. I want Jacob to hold me again. It was only ever Jacob. I’m screaming now. I can hear my shouts echo through the trees. The birds are flapping their wings in a desperate attempt to get away from the sobbing deputy on their hands and knees. Jacob Seed didn't deserve to die.

_Only you and you alone.._

What were his last thoughts? He said he didn't care if he died, that he was Joseph's sacrifice. Did he really mean that? As he spoke to me, as he grabbed me by the shirt and brought me closer, I thought I saw fear. Or was it regret? For a fleeting moment, I saw a human being. When he took his last breath, his head tilted downwards, I sighed. I stood for a few seconds before I kneeled, hands cupping his cheeks. The last of his body's warmth radiated through my skin. That's when I cried. I cried and sat down, pulling the now dead soldier into my lap. I held him and bawled. One hand in his hair, the other cradling him as close as possible. Tammy said she had to pry me away. She found me a day or so later, clinging to the Seed so tightly she thought I was dead as well.

_Can thrill me like you do.._

As I stumble my way back to the Wolf's Den, I ignore anyone and everyone who tries to speak to me. They say I look like shit, like I've been mauled by bears. I laugh and wave my hands vaguely and continue on my way. I collapse into bed once to the bunker and I stare up at the ceiling. From under my pillow, I take out the dog tags that had been burning a hole through my mattress for weeks. I can hear Pratt in the hallway outside my door. He sounds worried. I drift off to sleep, only to once again see that face.

_And fill my heart with love, for only you.._

**Author's Note:**

> This came up while I was hunting in the Henbane. I heard an ambient Only You.


End file.
